Mother-Daughter: a stong bond
The powerful mother of all creatures. Mother-Daughter, a relationship of affection and anger. A strong bond of love, tenderness and conflict. The daughter draws on her mother’s model to confront and find herself and her own identity. She draws from her relationship with her father to find her place in her social life and her personal affairs.
By Nicole Kamva, Psycologist
Photos: Studio Vangelis Rassias
Mother, Mommy, Mom! Women naturally endowed to transfer their model to the new generation. A holy mission for the family but also for society as a whole. How parents should work is not at all clear. They are called upon to cooperate and make joint decisions on all issues, with no distinctive roles and appropriate preparation.
They are urged to give their energy to their children and their spouse, but also to themselves! Each child, on the other hand, as an embryo experiences the ultimate identity, absolute dependence on its mother. After birth, these feelings of security and stability to meet their needs change and they are unable to understand that she and her mother are two separate beings. Thus, we see children demand the exclusivity of mother while denying other persons. They desperately mourn her absence and are excited when she is close.
The role of the father at this stage is catalytic! He is invited to help with his presence on the following assumption: the mother of his child, still remains a wife and a woman.
This fact for the child is a big blow. But it helps to perceive itself multi-dimensionally and its own existence in the future-the balance that is called to put into its own life, its personal limits. Accepting the new reality is something non-negotiable, heading towards adulthood and a healthy separation.
The Overprotective Mother
Motherhood transforms a woman from a free spirit into an over-protective being! “I want” is buried and in its place comes the “must”. She expresses feelings of love and care. She cares, anticipates, works and thinks for the sake of her daughter before herself… And the daughter, as long as she does not experiment, she loses her skills and confidence to herself. She feels inadequate and dependent while she is afraid to dare and to claim in her life what she deserves…
The «Powerful» Mother
Daughters growing up in the shadow of a “strong” mother, fill expectations for an equally bright future, worthy of their inheritance. They become obedient and follow faithfully “instructions” since most of the time this is a one-way street! Again, they react spasmodically, but they always record deeply the data they are given. Because, this young little girl, for years she has been building an equally strong personality (more or less differentiated and definitely more evolved), whether she decides to listen her own heart and her very personal skills or follow the way of inheritance for whom she has been trained for so many years and considers it pitiful to betray), is a difficult choice! Both these aspects make up the uniqueness of her personality. It is a dowry, pieces of a wonderful “self” that can only exist as complementary!
The Religious Mother
Faith for each one of us is of great value. It is taught through examples and not education. Most likely, if we try to impose it on children’s lives, there is resistance. So if a daughter grows up with a mother who goes beyond the measure in this area, she usually cancels her by generalizing any manifestation of faith. Confidence is lost, and loses valuable support material for relationships with herself and the important “others” of her life. “Metron Excellent”…
The «Mother – friend»
The role of the mother and the role of the friend are not the same. What is usually needed to make this relationship work is a mother in her role of being “friendly”. Mother listens carefully and guides, according to the child’s needs, with respect for her personality, patience and prudence. It does not reflect what happens to her, unless it is necessary to protect her from something or someone. Mother should have her own interests and her own friends and she doesn’t live through her daughter’s life. When there is a need to judge, she doesn’t criticize but she does so, on the basis of the daughter’s personality and not her own by justifying with arguments the course of her thought.
The «Eternal Teenage» Mother
In our times, women maintain their freshness and their girly mood. Science and the modern way of life contribute a lot to this. As mothers, however, they are called upon to show a stability in behavior which will contribute to the confidence of the daughter and this confidence will therefore become a structural element of her character. The emotional inconsistency of the mother, the double and contradictory messages that she may emulate, shape a daughter very vulnerable to negative feelings, which may often cause her to react with anxiety, anger, despair, insecurity and jealousy in her encounters.
Every single mother, with honest efforts, struggles to breathe every breath of her children. Ultimately, the science is not as important as trust in our nature and the acceptance that we are not perfect. We are looking for the knowledge and the opinion of the expert psychologists in order to be first and foremost as parents well, to “walk on our feet” as sufficient beings and everything else simply takes its path… So with a deep breath, go for the best that comes your way!
WHO is WHO
Nicole Kamva was born in Athens. She studied in France at the PARIS VIII (Vincennes/Saint-Denis), in one of the most modern and innovative Universities. For the MAITRISE PSYCHOLOGIE CLINIQUE ET PATHOLOGIQUE degree, she has been trained in 14 therapeutic approaches. Internships followed in several greek hospitals. Her interests were the arrangements between interpersonal, family and professional balance. She has attended a MSc Children Psychology. She provides her services since 2000 in a private and voluntary basis. She founded and manages the INSTITUTE OF PSYCHO-EDUCATION & THERAPY “Nicole Kamva” in Marousi. She also supervises therapeutic programs and she is preparing her Doctoral Thesis.
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